Archive for December, 2009

15
Dec

I am winning!

   Posted by: Mikki    in Uncategorized

How I feel today:

Today started out really bad.  I didn’t get to sleep until 3am.  I woke up a little after 9 because of a bad dream.  I grew up living next door to my molestor.  It happened around the age of 5 or 6.  I had to live there until we left for Atlanta when I was 14.  He later died and the house became available.  Well, now my cousin lives there.  I have not been back in that house since we moved down here….and I do not want to go back in it either.  I realize that facing it and going in will make me face it and deal with the feelings, but I don’t think I’m ready.  Anyway, I dreamed that my mother moved back home and when I went up there to visit….I discovered that she lived in THAT house.  I woke up in tears.  It’s crazy because it was kind of like it was an out-of-body experience because I KNEW I was dreaming while still sleep, but at first I could not wake up.

I posted to my support board because I KNEW that if I got up to eat, I was going to binge and I REALLY didn’t want to do that.  I figured that if I stayed away from the kitchen…..I would save myself…..so I stayed in bed for hours.  I felt my depression kicking in.  I laid in bed in the dark not wanting to do anything.  So, in trying to get out of the funk that I felt coming on, I started going through old files from my computer that I just transferred to the flash drive.  I don’t know if it was a mistake or a blessing, but a that time, I saw the house on a picture of my family.  I also saw pictures of my ex-fiance….my daughter’s molester.  I got pissed!!!!! I KNEW that the devil was trying to get me and I had to fight it with everything I had.  This is what I posted on my support board.

“Ok, I’m REALLY ticked off now!!!!! I know that some of you are not spiritual, and I don’t mean to offend those that are not….but I am and I’m REALLY mad right now!

Yeah, I had a horrible dream and it woke me up, read below to know what I’m talking about….but 3 hours later, I’m STILL in bed because of it. And, I’m mad and I’m getting ready to get up, brush this off as what it is….and get my day started.

Why am I mad? Because in trying to get over that dream, I began looking through old pictures on my computer…..ones of the family….and what did I see?….a PICTURE of the house I was molested in!!!!! And, I didn’t mention that my cousin lives there now!!!! In this picture, my family is all around the house all happy and stuff!!! I stayed looking at that picture for at least 10 minutes noticing EVERYTHING about it. And, you know what…..I’m mad because it took my childhood 33 years ago, it took my sleep last night, and it’s now taken 3 hours of my life….AND I REFUSE TO LET IT TAKE ANOTHER SECOND!!!!!!

I KNOW that this is the devil trying to defeat me and I WILL NOT LET HIM WIN!!!!! God has me and as long as I have Him…..I WILL MAKE IT!!!! No matter what is put on me…..I WILL MAKE IT!!!!!!

So, TAKE THAT you depression inducing bastard!!!!!!!!!! I’m not going to take this laying down!!!!! I’m getting up out of my bed…..getting some sunlight in this dark house….and getting my day started!!!!!

WITHOUT A BINGE!!!!! WITHOUT ANOTHER TEAR!!!!!! WITHOUT ANOTHER DEPRESSING THOUGHT!!!!! WITHOUT ANOTHER LIE THAT THIS IS GOING TO BEAT ME!!!!!!

The only person that can beat me is me!!! AND I CAN TAKE HER!!!!!

YOU WILL NOT WIN!!!!!”

A few hours later and I feel GOOD now! 

GOD IS SO GOOD!!! 

Until later….

14
Dec

B4 weigh in

   Posted by: admin    in Uncategorized

I was online one day and saw this from one of the posters.  I died laughing, so I just had to post it.  You will trip out on how true some of this stuff is.

On your weigh-in date:

Before leaving home:

  • Nurse the baby (I skip this one most of the time since I don’t have a baby)
  • Remove nail polish.
  • Clip fingernails and toenails (to the quick!)
  • Pop all pimples
  • Tweeze all unwanted hair from face
  • Shave legs, underarms and every other part of body
  • Loofah to remove dead skin
  • Remove ribbon from hair
  • Get a hair cut
  • Blow nose
  • Clean lint from belly button and jam from between toes
  • Pee
  • Poo
  • Weigh clothing and dress accordingly
  • Have appendix, tonsils and wisdom teeth removed, they are not needed and just take up weight
  • DO NOT SWALLOW AGAIN UNTIL AFTER WEIGH-IN, carry a cup to spit in!

Upon arrival at Weight Watchers

  • Pee
  • Carefully examine body for anything which might be removed including warts and moles
  • Remove hand lotion and makeup
  • Remove contacts
  • Remove unnecessary ‘hidden’ articles of clothing
  • Blow nose again
  • Pee again – at least try!
  • Remove shoes, work ID badge, jewels, belt, socks, suspenders, etc.
  • Empty all pockets.
  • Can you pee again? If so, go
  • Time it so that you weigh right after the person who has had an unearned gain; chances are that person got all the free-floating fat
  • Slowly step on the scale
  • Hold both arms straight and reach for the ceiling
  • Pray
  • Exhale completely; don’t forget there is air held in your lungs that usually doesn’t get expelled; find someone to hit you in the chest hard enough to ‘knock the air out’ of you

After weigh-in

  • Catch your breath
  • Blame the results on whoever you can
  • Get dressed
  • Retrieve dignity
  • Sit down and stay for the meeting.
  • Learn something new.
13
Dec

Let’s walk

   Posted by: admin    in Uncategorized

You know some people call this weight loss journey as being “on the wagon”.  I don’t like that terminology because I associate that phrase with being an addict.  I may have exhibited addictive behavior before, but I don’t claim that label.  So, I say that my journey is like walking.  I feel like this weight loss journey is a lot like walking…..before you crawl, you get on your hands and knees and begin to rock…(you begin to feel unhappy about your weight and health)…you finally begin to move and start crawling…(you finally make the decision that you can’t live like this anymore and you want to be healthy)…you pull up on your own…(join weight watchers or what ever weight loss journey you are on)….you take a few steps….(you go to the meetings or come to the wonderful support board)…you fall time after time….(you binge or “fall off the wagon” time after time)…..but, you keep on getting back up…(you stop binging or “get back on the wagon”)….you are kind of shaky walking all wobbly like….(you are not really sure if you can do this)….then you get your footing…(you begin to think you can really do this)…..you fall when you try to run…..(you get really excited and let your guards down and then you are going to binge or fall off the wagon at times, nothing and no one is perfect)….before you know it you are running, skipping, hopping, and turning flips…(you break the code and really make this a lifetime commitment and lose the weight and keep it off)….when you get older, your kid’s toys are in the way and you trip and fall over them….(there will still be times when you binge or “cheat” but you have learned that this crazy mixed up journey is a lifetime goal)…and you get up, fuss at yourself like you would fuss at your kids for leaving their toys around and get up and start again!!!

You can do it!!!  We all can!

11
Dec

Plateaus

   Posted by: admin    in Uncategorized

I was on my support board and sockiesbabies posted this and it was an eye opener.  It gives you a totally new refreshing outlook on those hated plateaus.

I’ve been on a plateau for about 4 weeks now, and this week isn’t looking like I’ll break through either.

Last night, I had a thought though.

Plateaus are kind of like a test… to see how you will handle your life if you were at goal.

When we all get to goal, the idea is to continue with your healthy lifestyle, and maintain your weight at it’s current level. So, a plateau is kind of like a practice run.

If you quit the program because you aren’t losing, then you didn’t have a successful practice run. BUT if you keep on just like you always have, then you know you have a better chance of sticking to this for the rest of your life.

10
Dec

Your brain

   Posted by: admin    in Uncategorized

Your brain is hard wired in such a way as to recognize potential matches to familiar objects, this is how optical illusions work…… But did yiu konw taht aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is that frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.   Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

When I first read this, I was like 

8
Dec

How it's going

   Posted by: Mikki    in Uncategorized

How I feel today: 

Until later….

How I feel today:

I’m a member of the clean plate club….no matter how much it is….if it’s on my plate….I will hurt myself trying to finish it all.  I don’t know where I got it from, all I know is that I have it.  So, look at what I made tonight to eat.  That’s turkey meatballs, whole wheat rotini, and spinach.  It’s so hot that you can still see all the smoke coming from it. 

Looks good doesn’t it?  Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

that was a LOT of food!!!!

Or was it?!!!!!!!!!!!

I love tricking myself into thinking I’m eating a lot! 

Until later….

4
Dec

They didn't stand a chance

   Posted by: Mikki    in Uncategorized

How I feel today:

When Thanksgiving rolled around, I told myself to enjoy it without thinking about how much I ate or what I ate.  For that one day, I would do what I wanted.  But, it could only be that one day…..NOTHING MORE!  So, as I was leaving my sister’s house from eating, I took a plate….but I didn’t take much because I knew that it would have to be gone that night!  Got home….later on I ate the rest of it…..except for these damn potato chips.  I woke up in the morning and they were still there. I could have sworn that I wished them away the night before.  But, they were still there.  They started calling me.  I was like I know how they are my weakness….and I knew that I couldn’t lie to myself again…..I knew they had to go!  So, I sat there thinking….now THIS is why food addiction is so bad….I actually said this to myself….”Don’t just throw them away, because you know they are in a bag and you might go in there and get them!”  I knew it was a clean bag in there so shuddap!  Anyway, I knew I had to do something that would make me not try to “save” them.  So, I sat there crunching them up and this is where they ended up!

Guess I showed them huh?!!!!! 

Until later….

3
Dec

Well I'm FINALLY DONE and I'm BAAAAACK!!

   Posted by: Mikki    in Uncategorized

How I feel today:

Well, it took a while, but I’m back snitcheeeeeeeeeeeeeees!  Do you like the new layout?  You’d better because it took me forEVER!  It wouldn’t have taken that long if I wasn’t so anal and I just did what I should do instead of making every freggin thing right.  But, if I didn’t do that, then I wouldn’t be me. A lot of stuff has changed and I’ll be getting into all of that in the near future. But, all of it is for the better.  Ya girl has changed and it’s for the better….so if you thought I was bad before?……just wait!!!! 

I’m on a mission to quit talking so much too.  So, we’ll see how that works. 

I just brought pretty much everything over with me from the old layout….so within the next few days, I’ll be adding some more stuff and getting rid of some old stuff….so, look around now, because it might not be here long!

Until later….






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