How I feel today:

Dear Diary,

I don’t know how to explain today.  I’m just in a really blah mood, but at the same time, I’m optimistic.  I can’t explain it.  I haven’t been back from Indiana too long.  My Uncle Bobby’s funeral was really hard.  I must admit, I was not that close to him, but my mother and sisters were.  I was too young when my Aunt Kathleen passed.  I really don’t remember her.  But, Uncle Bobby was her husband.  My cousin, Adrienne….their daughter, has been close to my immediate family forever and I mainly went up there as a support for her.  She has always been there for us and I could not see myself not being there for her.

Anyway, I ate everything in site.  It was just a really somber time and me, being a very emotional eater, I ate everything I could get my hands on.  It was a long 10 hour drive that me and my oldest sister took and we ate everything wrong the whole way there.  I continued to eat wrong when I was there and on the way back.  It was not until last night that I laid in my bed crying because I knew that yet again, I had let my addiction take control of me.  I said that when I woke up, it was back on track for me.  So far today, it has been good.  My eating has been good and I’ve been up and moving around.  I don’t know why, but before I went home, I used to stay up until sometimes four in the morning and sleep until eleven.  Now, ever since the trip, I have been going to bed early.  Like last night I was in the bed sleep by 11:30.  But, it felt good to get up at 7:30 this morning and actually start my day.  I got up, washed clothes 3 loads of clothes, vacuumed out my car, cleaned out my trunk, vacuumed my trunk, detailed the inside of my car and got all my eBay auctions ready to send out….all before 11:00.  I also decided to create my own plan of weight loss.  I’m tired of counting points.  I know that it will probably take longer to lose the weight, but I want to do it in a way that I can live with for the rest of my life.  I’m not 100% sure about that part yet, but it’s a thought.

I feel productive today….that’s my optimism.  Now, for the blah.  I took some pictures while I was at home and I just loaded them onto  my computer and I just didn’t like the way I looked.  So, I instantly went into a funk.  But, I’m working on that.  Now, I have to go and get everything done that I wanted to finish today.  I have a long to do list and updating here was one of them.  Now I can check it off. 

Until later….