Dear Diary,

First, thank you all so much for your kind words.  You all made me feel so much better.  I had to get away from everything for a few days.  I saw the direction I was headed and I had to get it under control and stop feeling so sad for myself.  I’ve pulled myself up by the bootstraps and have moved on.  I’ve been praying for a way to truly forgive myself.  It has not come yet, but I’m sure it will.  It’s only a matter of time.  So, I’m going to do my best to let it ride.  It might still mess with me, but I have to look over it and deal with the here and now and not with the there and then.  So, that is gone.  I’ve stayed away for a few days because I really had to get myself together and I couldn’t do it concentrating on everything and everyone else.  I felt guilty for not posting and actually almost did a couple of times, but then I said, “Mikki, above everything, you have to take care of yourself!”  So, I did.  I had to put myself first again.  And, I’m feeling so much better for it.

Now, lemme catch you up on a few things.  First, this is June.  My big baby is coming home veeeeery shortly.  I’m finally gonna get me some.  Speaking of that…..….I started my damn period today.  I ain’t had sex in a damn year and just when he’s supposed to come home, I start my fuckin period.  Ain’t that a bitch!  But, the funny part was I actually started praying that God would stop it soon and let it be a normal period.  I was like, “Mikki, you are praying for God to allow you to fornicate?!”  So I stopped, but secretly, I do still wanna pray about it.  So, tomorrow, I am going to get some birth control pills and take 2 per day until he’s been home for a couple of days and I get my “doing it” spell out of the way.  Then, I’ll stop and allow it to come back.  Damn that, I gotta get me some.  I can’t wait until I can take him home with me.  I haven’t’ been going to see him for the last few weeks because he says that it really hurts him to see me leave and he not come with me.  So, I’ve told him that since he was coming home very soon, I’ll just chill and wait until I can bring him home.  I really miss him and yep, the day he get’s home, you all won’t see me for that entire weekend or that Monday.   But, after that, I’ll be tired of him and I’ll be back. 

I’ve decided that with so much to do with eBay and trying to start my business, I will only be posting on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.  See sometimes I don’t have anything to say and this way, I will have lots to say and it wouldn’t be just a boring post.  Yep, you guessed it, this is the Friday post.  So, I won’t post again until Monday.  Weekends are crazy with eBay and I really need some “me” time to take to myself.

I’ve gone to two Weight Watcher’s meetings this week.  I’ve actually been doing really good this week in spite of everything.  I’ve journaled, drank my water, and been eating right.  So, it seems as if I’m back on track.  I’ve had several inspirations this week.  A few that truly stuck out and touched me were someone from here sent me an email and said, “Self-esteem is mine.  God gave it to me and I’m going to get it back.  No one has the right to take it!”  That was so very powerful to me.  She was truly right.  My happiness is mine.  God gave it to me and NO ONE has a right to take it away.  I WILL get it back!  Then, the leader in one of the meetings said, “December is going to come guaranteed.  Where will YOU be when it does?”  That was so powerful to me because it basically told me that no matter if I wallow in self pity or make a go at life, time is going to pass.  It’s just what I do with it that will make the difference.  I mean, I knew that all the time, but something about the way it hit me was so powerful.  I still have not started back exercising and I ain’t gonna while I’m on my cycle.  It’s just not fair to have to walk on a treadmill while I’m bleeding.  Dammit, I ain’t gonna!  I’ll start the good kind of exercising the day he gets home. 

Life around my apartments have been a live Jerry Springer show.  I have mentioned my super ghetto neighbors across the yard.  They cranked it up a notch this week.  They started fussing with my neighbors and they all started fighting.  It was like the Hatfields and the McCoys.  I was all in my widow watching.  It was sooooo funny.  I didn’t have any popcorn, so I grabbed my Froot Loops and sat in the window.  I wanted to yell out “Jerry – Jerry – Jerry!!!” Then the security came and they called the police.  Well, after everything calmed down, the officer told everyone to go in their house.  The ghetto family stayed outside.  It was about 20 of them.  The officer said, “You have 5 seconds to go in the house.  All after that, every left comes with me.”  They scattered like roaches.  I wish I had a camcorder.  Shit I just thought about it, I could have taken pictures.  I normally try to break up any fight that I see.  But this time?  It was just too damn many of them and I am far too pretty to get hit. 

I don’t know why I get so sleepy that time of the month.  Well, I’ll catch up more on Monday.  I just wanted to say thank you and I truly appreciate each and every one of you for making me feel better.    And, you truly did.

See you Monday!