I posted this on my facebook and wanted to share it here too!  I’ll post what was said too, because it JUST might help here too.

What are the ones you call friends? THIS is what I’ve been talking about for the LONGEST!! I have plenty of constituents and comrades. But a VERY select few confidants! I pray they know who they are and I’m SO thankful for them. It’s just crazy to me that I…can count them on one hand and some that I think it should include….it doesn’t. But, I’m still thankful for the comrades that I’ve had the honor of having.

I’m also posting the comments from my fb too.

Dear Mikki,

Hi sweetheart, how are you? I pray all is going well for you. I just wanted to write you to let you get to know me a little more. You’ve met me, but you don’t really KNOW me yet.  But, I am very interested in you. I’ve seen you so many times before and I just smile. I wonder how it is to be with you. Not sexually or anything just “with” you. I’ve been longing to be with someone like you. You seem to be so giving and so sweet. You seem to love so hard and you also seem to be looking for someone to just love you. Not the you that you show everyone, but the real you. The you that laughs at the corny stuff, cries no matter if you’re happy or sad, the you that even poots while you lay in bed alone and giggles because you wonder what people will think if they were right there with you. That’s the you that I want to know me. See, I secretly love you. I know you don’t love me yet. You can’t because you don’t TRULY know me. But believe me, if you knew me, you would love every fiber of my being. And guess what, I’m good to know too.   Just one time, I wish I could see you smile for something that I’ve done. You deserve the best. You deserve to be courted. You deserve flowers everyday of your life. You deserved to be honestly and genuinely loved for just being you. You deserved to be looked at in the morning with crust in your eyes, with stinking breath, while you are scratching your crack and be told “I love you baby”. I know you deserve it.  I can give that to you. You deserved to relax when you go home from a hard days work. You deserve to have your dreams nurtured. You deserve to be believed in. I can give you that. You may wonder why I am telling you all this. Well sweetie, it’s because it’s true. I love you so very much. I just pray that one day soon I won’t have to love you from afar. Every time I see you, I see a sparkle in your eye. Everyone else may not see it, but I have that certain knack of noticing the little things. I love to see you blush when you TRULY accept a compliment from someone.  I love the little sideways smile and the way you drop your head a little and slightly shake your head when you are blushing. That warms my heart so much. I love it when you look in my eyes. It’s like you can see my soul.

But, with all that, I’m worried about you. I see how much you stress about everything. Sweetheart you can not control the world. Nor can you save it. You try to support everyone with so much vigor that it’s ridiculous. I just wish I could be blessed with some of your support. I pray that one day soon I will. I know you have everyone and everything you care about, but do you think that one day, I can be put in that crowd of elite people? Do you think that maybe, just maybe, I can get into a small little corner of your heart? I won’t ask for much I promise. But, I have a strange feeling that once I can get into that loving heart of yours, I might just take over. I’ve already worked into the hearts of your family. I’ve even touched a few of your friends. So, really baby, there’s no getting rid of me. I’m here for life whether you want me or not. Even if you choose not to be one with me, I’m not going anywhere. Every time you turn around, I’ll be here. I’ll be nagging you in your ear that you should be with me too. I don’t care who you marry, if you have more kids, or anything……I’ll be here.

I’ve seen the trouble you’ve been having lately. I’ve seen the despair in your eyes. There’s something wrong. You are just not you. I don’t know what’s going on or where your mind is half the time, but whatever you are struggling with, I’m here for you baby. No matter how rough you may think times will get, I’ll be here for the ride. I wish I knew what to tell you to make everything alright, but I don’t. There is no miracle cure. There is no magic pill to make everything alright. I wish there were. Baby, I know times are hard and I know you feel your best is not enough. All I can do is tell you that I’m here for you. All you have to do is open your heart and let me in. I know someone else has most of your heart right now, but I know I can fix that. I’m willing to share you with them for now, but not for long.  Do what you have to do to get them out of your system, but just promise me that you’re honestly working towards just being with me.   But, unlike them, I vow that I will never let you down. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to protect you from every harm.   With every breath, with all my soul I’ll give my world, I’ll give it all. Let me be your hero. Just for you, I promise you, I’ll do anything to get you to realize how much we need each other. All you have to do is just let me in. And you know what, it won’t take a lot to let me in.  All you have to do is get up out of the chair you are in now, walk to your left, when you get to the hall, make a right, go straight and look to your left.  Stand there, and look at me and tell me, “I will let you in!” That’s all. That’s all it takes. I will begin to take over then and make your life better. I will make your life better!  See, I’m in your heart already.  You just have to release me.  I’m the you that you don’t know. I’m not talking about a skinny you. I’m talking about the REAL you. I am the you, that you long to be. If you get down to the weight you want to be, you still may not know me. Even if you get to what you consider to be your goal weight you may not ever meet me.  You can do all of that without me.  But, I don’t want you to.  See baby, I’m the “recovered” you.  I’m the you you’ve only seen glimpses of, but you’ve never met. I’m the you that can be with you at 150 pounds or 1000 pounds. See sweetheart, it doesn’t matter what you weigh. Your fight to lose weight will never take the place of your recovery.  And, guess what, if you meet me and you allow me to come into your life, I bet you I can take over and the weight will just come off without you even trying.  See, I don’t know 450 pound Mikki…..I know MIKKI, and I can tell you, she is a wonderful person. See, I’m her. And, I must say that I was beautiful at 575 as I will be at 150 if I do say so myself. Once you meet me, you’ll never want to let me go. I can promise you something too. It’s a proven fact that once you get to know me, your fight with your weight will become second nature because you will be in recovery. That’s the key baby. That’s the “magic pill” everyone searches for, recovery. Be in recovery and you’ll FINALLY be happier with you and begin love yourself and life becomes a whole lot easier. Release the pain and heartache and I’ll automatically come in whether you want me to or not. And, I’m good company girl! Everyone wants to be my friend, but I only want you. All you have to do is open your heart and let me in. Will you? Will you let me in baby? I’ll be waiting for you……. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!

You just wait and see….I’ll be back in full effect!

I found this and I LOVE IT!  I just had to share!

Hello

Just in case you forgot me… I am your disease…

I hate meetings… I hate Higher Powers… I hate your program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you suffering and I wish you death. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I Am cunning, baffling, and powerful. That’s Me. I have killed millions and I am pleased.

I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, haven’t I? Wasn’t I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call on me? I was there, I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love to make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. When you can’t feel anything at all, that’s my true gratification. And all that I ask from you is long term suffering. I’ve been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn’t deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life. People don’t take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes, they take seriously. Fools. Without my help these things would not be possible. I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, your meeting, your Higher Power. All of these things weaken me, and I can’t function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lay here quietly. You don’t see me but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I can live. When you live, I may only exist. But I am here… Waiting…

And until we meet again, if we meet again, I wish you suffering and death.

Sincerely,

Your Disease

Well, this is correspondence from the now girlfriend of the man that molested my daughter.  I tried to warn her about him and to ask her to protect her daughter.  Now I’m warning the world!!

Sasha CurvyNation Mitchell April 23 at 3:04am

I know you don’t know me, and I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard about me. But, my name is Mikki. I was engaged to Greg Allen years ago and it’s my understanding that you are involved with him now. Please don’t misunderstand the intent of this message, but I just want to warn you.

Back in 2000, Greg molested my daughter. He was arrested, served time and just got off of his 10 year probation from it. I saw the pics of your daughter and it scared me to death. My daughter was 12 when he molested her and your daughter looks around the same age. I just REALLY want to tell you what I wish with all my heart that someone would have told me…..to be careful with him around your daughter. There have been other things, and I pray he tells you about them.

I’m not trying to cause confusion of any kind. I just wanted to warn you and in that…hopefully protect your daughter. If you would like to speak to me, please feel free to call me at 404-454-3836. It’s my business phone, but I am the only one that answers it.

If you have any doubt that I’m telling you the truth, you can run his name on the GBI’s Sexual Offender website at

http://services.georgia.gov/gbi/gbisor/SexualOffenderDetails.jsp?action=SexualOffenderDetails&sexualoffenderId=83616DB9 (the link is below too). Or, you can check the DeKalb County Sherriff’s office at

http://www.ojs.dekalbga.org/servlet/page?_pageid=178,180&_dad=portal30&_schema=PORTAL30&DCMS.CASE_ID=&DCMS.LAST_NAME=allen&DCMS.FIRST_NAME=gregory&DCMS.COMPANY=&DCMS.EXACT_LAST=on&DCMS.CASE_TYPE=ALL&DCMS.CASE_STATUS=OPEN&DCMS.CORT_CODE=ALL&DCMS.FROM_DATE=&DCMS.TO_DATE=&DCMS.PARTY_TYPE=DE&DCMS.page_no=1

Again, this is just to warn you to be careful with your daughter around him. Do with the information as you will. I just wish someone had warned me before it happened to my daughter.

Mikki

Georgia Bureau of Investigation

services.georgia.gov

Correction:  The DeKalb County’s Sheriff’s Office link is here.

Now, because she asked me not to contact her anymore, I won’t.   But, I WILL post my reply here:

Ms. Moments,

I’m going to reply to this step by step.  First, really?  Did you really just say all of that?  Please don’t say you “understand” my pain unless you’ve been through it yourself.  You can empathize….but you could NEVER understand my pain if you’ve never been there.  Ok, let’s “step back a minute and be honest with myself”.   I’m glad he was honest with you.  You are probably the first person he’s been honest with about his past.  I can ASURE you that you DON’T know about EVERYTHING!!!  If you did, you would know that my daughter was not the ONLY one!  During the process of pressing charges against him, I found out that there were SEVERAL more.  I was the only one that locked him up!!!  And, if you DO know about the many others that he’s hurt….then I truly feel sorry for you that your self esteem is so low that you would deal with someone like that.

My message WAS to warn you.  It was not to hurt and embarrass him!!   I don’t give a damn about him!!!  How in the world can me telling you that he molested my daughter, hurt and embarrass him?!!!!   I’m not understanding that.  If  it were to really hurt and embarrass him, HE WOULD NOT HAVE DONE IT!!!!  Stop saying “what he did to your daughter”….say what it is….HE MOLESTED MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!!  Are you hurt and embarrassed to say that your “man” molested my daughter?  He DID hurt me because he changed my daughter’s life forever!  And, God knows that I wish I felt then…the way I feel now.    As far as not warning people from the day he got out.  You just don’t know how big of a regret that is of mine.  I wish I would have felt then…the way I feel now!  I would have warned EVERY SINGLE PERSON that I knew he EVER came in contact with!!!!!  I didn’t wait until “only after he finished his probation”.  When I found out that he is talking to the very young lady that he MOLESTED….THAT’S when I knew that he was STILL not right and I knew I had to do my part and warn people.  I didn’t know…hell, I didn’t WANT to know where he worked.  I didn’t know until she told me that he was talking to her…..so where’s the “plenty of opportunity”? I knew his address….yes….because it’s listed on the Sex Offender’s website.  But, why would I go and see the man that molested my daughter?!!!!

Your understanding is correct.  In going to one of my friend’s funeral, not too far from his mother’s house….I did stop through and told him that I forgave him.  And, you know what, to be 100% as honest as I can be right now…..I did forgive him.  But, sweetheart, that forgiveness had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with him!  That forgiveness was MINE!  I know that God asks us to forgive and I felt it was my duty to forgive him as God forgives me my trespasses.  But, see….my sense of forgiveness was SO VERY warped back then.  I’ve grown up since then and I NOW know what forgiveness TRULY is.  And again….my forgiveness has NOTHING to do with him!!!  I forgive him from God.    I now know that forgiveness is NOT allowing it to rule my life like it did for so many years.    My forgiveness was also for blaming myself for ever meeting him….and then he molested my daughter.  Even though I STILL wish that I’d NEVER met him…..I forgive myself for ever blaming myself for ever meeting him.   I called him job because at his job…..HE SPOKE TO MY DAUGHTER….THE VERY GIRL HE MOLESTED!!!!!!!  Where is that right?  And, common sense…of which he obviously CAN’T have much of…..would tell him that if he comes ANYWHERE near her, to walk the other way!!!!   When I called his job, I was NOT going to speak to the manager.  I TRIED to get to the owner, but the manager gave me a hard time and basically said that I HAD to tell him in order to get to the owner.  So, I did what I had to do.  I NEVER told them that she is now underage.  That’s a lie!  Sweetheart, I didn’t look through all of his friends and his pictures.  That  statement made me chuckle.  Do you really think that I would take time out of my life to do that?  lol  We had a mutual friend on facebook who I thought was “dealing with him”  and I called to warn HER!!!  She in turn told me who YOU were.  I then took it upon myself to warn you once I saw your daughter.  It really broke my heart and I began to pray that he had not molested her.  And, I wanted to warn you before he ever could.  And, as far as not “warning” people while on probation….when he came over my close friends house with a little girl…I think the girl was around 3….anyway, he came over my friend’s house with the little girl…BY HIMSELF!!!!  Mind you, he was STILL on probation!  I IMMEDIATELY called his probation officer to tell him that he was alone with a young child and told him what happened.  So, don’t tell me that I didn’t warn people “while he was on probation”.  If I heard of ANYTHING about him that concerned him and ANY child….I IMMEDIATELY contacted his probation officer.  So, sorry, you’re wrong there!

I’m glad to hear that your daughter is not that age.  But, whatever age she is….PLEASE PROTECT HER FROM HIM!!!  As far as MY anger and hurt……I believe I will be angry and hurt until the day that I die about him molesting my daughter.    I have that right!!  HE MOLESTED MY DAUGHTER!!!!    And, how you got anger and hurt confused with genuine concern for a fellow mother’s child is beyond me.  I guess he’s groomed your mind already.   And, for your daughter’s sake….that breaks my heart.  I have gotten professional therapy and right now…I have the BEST THERAPIST ever….God!   And, you are right….there are several support groups for people like me.  And, with God’s grace…I will have my own for people like me….who’s “mate” molested their children.

Wait, so you’re telling me that I should not be concerned about other children this monster may molest?  I pray that you are not saying that….really I do.  My concern IS for my daughter sweetheart and every other child that has been….or will be….molested.  Let me explain something to you….when you are molested….it doesn’t matter if you are an “ADULT” or not……it will affect you until the day you die!  I hope you have never been through it and I pray your daughter never has and never will go through it too!  It’s just amazing to me that you are blaming the young lady he molested, for going to get something to eat where she didn’t even know he worked….when HE talked to HER.   Wow!!  Really?!!!!  She can go to some other places to eat?  Really?!!  Do you think she would have gone in there if she knew he worked there?  Really?!!!

Don’t worry, the only way I’ll be contacting you is through prayer sweetheart!!!!  And, you know what, I thank you for this email and the way you wrote it…because it’s shown me that I’ve TRULY grown up.  Because before, I would have ripped you a new one…..but now I see how truly messed up your mind is and I just simply feel sorry for you.  And, for that growth in me…..TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

Mikki

Did you know that there was a “Print Screen” function for iTouch?!!!!  I  had no idea!!!  But, now I do and you’d better watch out dere na!  To do it, you have to push down the on/off switch and click the home button at the same time.  You’ll see a white little flash and the picture is then saved into your “Saved Photos”.  I’ve been clicking away.  Now you can see what I have on mine…and it’s a LOT!  Check it out!

Pretty boring…..but I use them.  These are pretty much the basics that everyone has.

This is all of my health stuff.  I use these at different times to either track my weight or different aspects of my eating.

More weight stuff and some fun stuff.

Awwwww we are at the fun stuff now!  Tap Tap Revenge and Bejeweled 2 are my ish!!  Hangman and ShakeSpell3D aka Boggle are pretty cool too.

I rarely play with these, but I do play Uno sometimes.

Simon will have you going crazy!!!  And, yes, you can text from an iTouch…FOR FREE!

I like LineUP 2 and Hearts quite a bit.  Companion, Ann-e and 12-step are all for my OA (Overeaters Anonymous) help.  Collapse Free is good, but I completed it on the first day and it’s been sitting there ever since.  Lose It  is the ish too!   I REALLY like that one, but Edibles has more to offer right now.  So, I’ve changed to that.  If they could somehow combine Lose It, Sparkpeople and Edibles….GOOD LAWD HAMMERCY!!!!

That’s it for now, I just really wanted to show the print screen thingy.  I know I know….you adore me! 

Until later….

Ok, remember my dilemma with OA?  Well that is NO MORE!!!!!  I LOOOOOOOOVE the Parking Lot.  The Parking Lot is the all night OA phone meeting.  The main problem I had was with the other meetings was that when you share, you couldn’t have cross talk.  And, I could NOT handle that.   If you know me , I loooooooove to talk. And, if you know me, then you know that I love to get other people’s perspective on what I say.  After all….if I was just talking to get it out, then I could talk to myself and heal from it.  And, so far….that has NOT been working.   So, some help would be good.  Anyway, the parking lot has solved all of that!   You can share all you want, no time limit….and there IS cross talk!  Yes ma’am! After my situation with the AA meeting I went to, I talked to them about it and they would not let me retreat and NOT talk about it.  They calmed me down so good.  I don’t know where they came from, but I REFUSE to let them go!!!  If I have to beg and plead for your sympathy….I don’t mind ’cause you mean that much to me!  Ain’t to proud to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg.  I’m sorry, that song just came on me! 

But, it’s crazy, I haven’t been on the line a full week yet, and it feels like home.  It’s just REALLY nice to know that you are not alone in this world!

Now, I’ve got a lil homie named Lester.  And, that’s right…I said it….LIL HOMIE!  (inside joke)  Well, he’s really cool to me because even though he a LOT younger than me, he TRIES to put me in my place.  It doesn’t work, but he tries.  But he says something that’s really got me thinking.  He makes the statement, “Why do you try to control everything?!”  And, he has the nerve to try to say it with some force.  But, it’s been sticking out to me and when I was on my meeting last night, we talked about controlling stuff and how that contradicts the healing.  I instantly thought about him telling me that.  It’s something I have to work on…but if I want the recovery….I’ve GOT to work on it.  And, although it tickles me when he TRIES to put me in my place…..I kinda like it.  But, don’t tell him! 

Until later…

I’m on the phone with Robert today and he just HAD to show me this huh? He knows how I am and now I want one SOOOOO bad!!!

It’s like a mixture of a motocycle and trike….but the trike has the wheels in the back….this one is in the front! I would get on that bad boy RIGHT NOW!!!

Ok, well I have not “officially” joined Overeaters Anonymous. What I mean by officially is that I have not gotten a sponsor.  I don’t know if I want one yet because I have not fully decided if that’s the only thing I want to do.  Well, the meetings are about a 20 minute drive for me.  That’s part of the reason that I have not been to a face-to-face meeting yet.  All of my meetings have been on the phone or online.   Well, on one of the phone meetings that I do everyday…there was a woman that said she used to go to AA meetings instead of OA meetings because there were none in her area.  So, I looked up AA meetings in my area.  There were several.  I went to one Saturday night.  That was a HUGE mistake.   When I got there, I knew it was a mistake, but I tried to face it and stay anyway.  Parts of me are glad that I stayed and parts of me are SO angry with myself and wish I would have gotten up to leave!

When I got there, I knew it was going to be hard.  It was all older men, one younger man and one woman.  Not too long after the beginning of the meeting, the woman got up and left.  That’s when I lost it internally.  Outwardly, I was fine and no one knew the battle going within my head.  The more I listened to them, the more I realized they were just like me.  The only difference is that there drug of choice is alcohol and mine is food.  That’s the part of me that was glad…because I realized that I was SUPPOSED to be there because of the messages I got from them.  Some things they said were totally new to me and I thank them so much for sharing.  It really helped me.

Now, for the other part…..I’m VERY uncomfortable around older men.  So uncomfortable until I was looking for ways to “escape” in case something happened while I was there.  I don’t like to be around them and I don’t even like to look at them.  That’s probably why I mainly date younger men.  But anyway….at around 7 or 8 I was molested by my next door neighbor that was a very much older man…and he was the “neighborhood drunk”.    When I’m around a much older man, it takes me back to that time.  And, Saturday night, I was surrounded by them.  Then, at the end of the meeting, we had to hold hands in a circle and say the Lord’s Prayer.  On one side of me was a man that wasn’t too old and he didn’t bother me.  But the one on my left side was older and when he talked in the meeting, he reminded me SO much of my molester…..and there I stood….holding his hand.  While saying the Lord’s Prayer, I prayed for strength.  Logically I knew that it was not him that molested me….but in my head….I was holding my molester’s hand and it REALLY freaked me out.  I IMMEDIATELY went to the restroom and washed my hands 5 times.  I just wanted to get him “off of me”.   I held my composure until I got in the car.  Once I did…it all came out.  I cried my eyes out.  Not a bad cry….but a cry while praying and begging God to take that feeling from me.  My molester has since died….I’m sorry, but I’m thankful for that.  I know I should not be thankful that someone died, but I still have that.  I pray that God will also take that feeling from me.  I truly have not forgiven him.  I know I need to….but I have not yet.  I will continue to pray for that feeling to be gone too.

Needless to say I will NOT be attending that meeting again and will stick to the phone meetings until I can get to an OA meeting.  Although I take it as God showing me some of the things I still need to work on, it was rough and I still say a HUGE mistake.  Right now, I feel like I should not have gone.  Hopefully, one day I will look back on this and thank God for showing me this….I’m just not there yet.

Until later…